Authored by - Francis Ojok (International Arbitration and Dispute Resolution)
INTRODUCTION
A story was told of a young man from Africa who treasured education as his everything. Yet his educational journey has been one of his most embarrassing experiences. He buried them deep, which helped him find the courage to continue schooling.
After finishing University, he was given the opportunity to pursue postgraduate studies at some of the elite Universities in America. He was offered partial scholarships, but to make it work, he had to look for finances to pay for the remaining cost. His only hope of getting money was either external scholarships, where he applied to more than 60 scholarships but was unsuccessful, or requesting the school increase his scholarship percentage.
After some back-and-forth emails with the school administration, they stopped responding to his email. He was running out of options. Determined not to give up, he wrote a detailed letter hoping to persuade the school administration to increase his scholarship percentage. In it, he shared those experiences he numbed. It was his first time visiting some moments he vowed never to revisit.
Because of the brutal civil war that destroyed his village, he grew up without parents or a home. The school became his home, and education became his only hope and joy. His schoolmates were the only people he held onto as relatives for love, connection, and a sense of belonging. Yet, he couldn't afford to pay or remain in one school for more than a semester. He moved from school to school because every school he joined kept kicking him off because of school fees.
At some point, he was the only child in school without shoes, a book, and a uniform and the only one who wore torn clothes. He disgruntled some teachers. They refer to him as ashaming, burdensome, and an embarrassment to the school. Fellow students avoided him, and others bullied and tortured him. Teachers did not protect him from the bullies. Some teachers thought if he were bullied more, he would stop showing up to school. To his surprise, opening up and sharing these vulnerable pieces of information did little to influence the school administration to increase his scholarship percentage. The school did not respond to his letter, to his shock and surprise.
The above story is the basis for this discussion. Is it okay to use sensitive information or be vulnerable in negotiation? What are the pros and cons of being vulnerable in a negotiation?
Fisher & Ulry discouraged being vulnerable and personal in negotiation. They termed it "positional negotiation techniques. They discourage it because it produces unwise outcomes, is inefficient, and endangers an ongoing relationship.[1]. Instead, the authors established and encouraged principled negotiation, also known as negotiation on merit. It focuses on substance and procedure, broken down into four pillars.
“People: Separate the people from the problem
Interest: Focus on interest, not position
Option: Invent multiple options, looking for mutual gains before deciding what to do.
Criteria: Insist that the result be based on some objective standard.”
In the spirit of negotiation, being creative, specifically tailored to fit a specific subject being negotiated and to produce a wise agreement as much as possible, be efficient, and improve or at least not damage the relationship between parties. It is inconclusive that being vulnerable in negotiations is unwise and should be avoided. Instead, the question should be decided on a case-by-case basis, depending on the specific subject being negotiated, the negotiators' position, i.e., are they negotiating for constituencies other than themselves?
Another consideration is their readiness and willingness to share vulnerable information without expectation. Nature of the relationship and trust between parties, i.e., has the other negotiator earned the right to hear your vulnerable information? In the words of Brene Brown, "You may share those sensitive pieces of information with the people who have earned the right to hear the story. Vulnerability information, if properly used, can tremendously impact negotiated outcomes. But, if improperly used can drastically frustrate negotiation and lead to adverse results.
IMPACT OF VOLUNTEERING AND RELYING ON SENSITIVE INFORMATION
A) It leads to resentment.
Once you volunteer that information, making you vulnerable, you take a personal/positional approach, which may lead to two results, i.e., you get the deal, or you don't. Suppose you reach an agreement, well and good. If you did not, you take it personally. You develop resentment because vulnerability is often associated with uncomfortable emotions, which many people either numbed or attached so many expectations to result from it. The young man in this story was frustrated when the school did not respond to his letter. He avoided engaging with school administrators because he attached expectations from being vulnerable.
B) It Worsened the relationship.
All parties must be ready and willing before you share vulnerable information. On the one hand, if the other negotiator is not ready, volunteering vulnerable information might be interpreted as being manipulative, over-persuasive, or going beyond the ZOPA. As a result, it might freak the other negotiator because not everyone knows how to handle sensitive and vulnerable information.
On the other hand, disappointment is at the core; if you offer vulnerable information to a person who is not ready for it and does not receive the outcome you expected, your immediate response most likely shall be, "How could you"? Maybe you are not the person I thought you were. Maybe our relationship is not what I had expected. You start distancing yourself from them.
Before volunteering to be vulnerable in a negotiation, you must ask yourself these reflective questions: (1) Do I trust you enough to share my sensitive information? (2) Am I ready to be vulnerable to you? (3)Are you ready & willing to be vulnerable with me? Etc.
C) It erodes trust and limits your chance of future negotiations.
To most people, being vulnerable is no fun. It is the last thing they would do. They do so only if they have to. As a result, they attached so many positive expectations to come from it. When they do not receive the desired or expected response, that marks the end of the negotiation—no MORE ATTEMPTS. Yet, effective negotiation should stop at nothing. Whether or not you get the deal, you don't stop negotiating. If you do not reach an agreement, you negotiate on what could be done differently to reach an agreement. If you get the deal, you negotiate about how to make the deal better. It's called post-negotiation negotiation.
To your counterpart, this too much sensitive information paradoxically erodes their trust rather than building it. They might interpret it as a sign of desperation, manipulation, or dishonesty, which can lead to a breakdown in trust and goodwill.
D) It blocks your path of reasoning, which compromises informed decision-making.
Sharing personal vulnerabilities can trigger emotional responses in both you and the other party, making it difficult to engage in reasoned and logical discussions. Decisions based on emotions rather than rational analysis may not yield the best outcomes.
Furthermore, focusing on one's vulnerabilities or sensitive information diverts attention from other critical aspects of the negotiation, such as exploring creative solutions, understanding the interests of both parties or developing mutually beneficial agreements. This tunnel vision hinders the development of a more comprehensive and favorable deal. As such, it is crucial to balance transparency and discretion to navigate negotiations effectively. While information sharing may be necessary for building trust and reaching a mutually satisfactory agreement, it should be done strategically and selectively. Prioritize safeguarding their core interests and not let the sharing of sensitive information block their path to reasoned and informed decision-making.
E) Increased risk of exploitation and reduces your strategic leverage
When you share so much sensitive information, you become susceptible to manipulation by your party. They may use that information to push you into making concessions or agreements not in your best interest. This exploitation can occur because the other party realizes they have leverage over you.
Furthermore, sharing sensitive information also reduces your strategic leverage because negotiation power hinges on the perceived strength of each party's position. You may weaken your position when divulging sensitive information by demonstrating that you lack alternatives, resources, or commitment. As such, it reduces your ability to negotiate from a place of strength.
III. CONCLUSION:
Sharing vulnerable and sensitive information during or as a strategy in negotiation can be a double-edged sword. While transparency and openness can foster trust and cooperation, it can also harm the negotiation process. Because when you reveal too much about your vulnerabilities or sensitive information, it can block your path to reasoning.
Therefore, it is crucial to balance transparency and discretion to navigate negotiations effectively. While information sharing may be necessary for building trust and reaching a mutually satisfactory agreement, it should be done strategically and selectively.
Author’s Biography
Francis Ojok is a trained lawyer. He’s the Founder and CEO of the DC Mediation & Dispute Resolution Institute. He’s a mediation coach with IMA, is on the faculty and panel of neutrals for SHATI in Nigeria, and mediates for organizations such as the Superior Court of the District of Columbia and Gogo Mediation in Texas.
[1] Fisher, R., & Ury, W. (2011). Getting to yes: negotiating agreement without giving in. (B. Patton, Ed.) (Third edition, revised). Penguin Books
As I perused the article, I was taken aback by the young man's unexpected outcome. Despite receiving a partial scholarship, he faced a conundrum in regard to paying his tuition fees. Yet, he had the courage to confide in the university's admission panel with the hope that they would empathize with his dire situation. It can be intimidating to expose one's vulnerabilities to strangers, as it may come across as a manipulation tactic. Nevertheless, in this instance, the young man's vulnerability was a necessary risk as he sincerely needed assistance and had no other alternatives. hoped to evoke empathy from the panel.